Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Randomize
