Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
