is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
