His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
You did what with his pubic hair?
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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