Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
