How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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