we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
