Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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