The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
