i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
