Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
