I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
