another moral hangover. fuck.
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
