i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Randomize
