Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
