My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
