He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
