watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize
