I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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