I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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