i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I will be naked everywhere
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
