how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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