he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
