i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
