It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
