It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
