a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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