is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Randomize
