I just threw up on my dentist
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
