You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize