All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
