Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
