I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
