i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
