I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Randomize
