she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
