Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
