My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize