i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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