i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
