I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
