She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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