Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
