I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
