I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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