I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
