hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
