can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
