her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
