Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
