She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
