We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
