my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
