When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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