Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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