First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Randomize
