that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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