Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Randomize
