wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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