That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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