My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
