I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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