if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
She even gives head with a lisp.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
