were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
