He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
