Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize