You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
well you can't waste a boner
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
