I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
you inspire me to be a worse person
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
