i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
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