I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
