Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
