I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
