Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
