You really coming over, don't trick.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
