The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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