Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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