I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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