I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize