Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
