Joe is yelling at the trees again.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
