just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Randomize
