I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
