she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
