He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
