i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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