the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
People in love make me want to vomit
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
