Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
