No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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