Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
