I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I came so hard my ears popped.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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