you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
