every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
