How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Randomize