After last night, I could never be a politician.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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