Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
