Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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