I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
