FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Randomize
