is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
My vagina is officially offended.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Randomize
