i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
